i remember what i wanted to say on wednesday. i'm a coward of the worst sort. every-so-often something happens to illuminate my fault and i get to thinking about my flaws. so the other day in work i sent someone an email, but i wasn't 100% sure that what i had written was correct. but i was too lazy to go check it with anyone and i ended up deliberating for about half an hour before i sent it, because i didn't want my name to be on the email, in case i got in trouble for being wrong. i just hate thinking that i might be held responsible for something.
i'm so wierd. then i was talking to penelope_stone about it and we came to the conclusion that it all comes down to perfectionism and not wanting to ever be wrong.
there's a lovely smell of tomato soup in here. i've not had tomato soup in ages and ages - it reminds me of the kitchen in churchview back when i was 15 or something.
i've not a whole lot else to say. the house was freezing this morning, it was way warmer outside so i went to the park and wrote for a bit. it was good, but my hands got really cold and i can't type so well now.
ok, i'll just go.
Flaws
ReplyDeleteTrying to convince people that what they regard as their negative emotions are actually tools that they can use is really hard. They say "I shouldn't get angry" I say "Anger gives you the power to break out". They say "I'm really afraid" I reply "Your specific fear is hiding your specific gift". Making this more personal, Ria, you can try to eliminate your flaws, but you could look at them again and try to see them as gifts or tools that you can use when appropriate. The advantage of seeing them as tools in your toolbox is that you then choose to take them out and use them, rather than having them use you. Emotional responses can be very fast, so fast that they have happened before we can control them. It's our thinking that drives our emotions. It took me an awful long time to realise that the saying "Always Be Careful (ABC)" applies to what we think, what we think is going on in any situation, what we think we want to get out of it.
This post turned out much different than the original response I had in mind when I started. I guess one think leads to another, the train of thought had carriages joining on to it from out of the sidings, or "out of the blue".
And then I read this again and realised that "one think leads to another" is yet another mangle. But I wasn'r aware of it as I was writing it.
OK, enough for now, Love, Brian.