the craziness of playing games and finding work

so... what do i have to say for myself today? not a whole lot really. i'm playing fallout 2 at the moment (meaning in general with my days, not right this very moment). it's fun - insanely similar to the first game, so it's really just like a continuation, which isn't really a good thing because it lacks the learning curve and dedicated time that hooks you to a game. it's like: ok, i've spent however long getting used to the controls and idiosyncrasies of this game, so i'll play it for a good bit to pay off that time investment. but that hasn't happened with this game. and the story just isn't hard hitting enough - they are holding back on me, alluding to stuff that will come along in the future. i suppose it should make me excited or a little curious about what the future holds, but it dosn't. so i just go around, do side-quests and get killed an awful lot. which is fun too. no dog to keep me company this time, though.

ooh, i never mentioned - i don't have a job. so it's back to applying randomly for me. now i've developed a certain apathy and my self-inhibitions get flung out through my eyes. this is the stage where my actual personality gets to apply for things and i end up putting stuff like is funny, spontaneous and creative on my applications. it has worked in the past - when you stop caring, you get a job. the world is somewhat twisted. perhaps future employers fear a person who is desperate, they get all sorts of nightmarish resonances of a clingy, needy child and absolutely don't want to have to deal with it. but when you just don't give a damn people respect your lack of self-regard and know your the kind of person who will just get the job done without need of extreme guidance. or maybe that's just the cute world of chibi dolls and baby monsters that is my mind.

god - my brain chemicals are so messed up today.